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Young men called Callum, Jack or Conor are more likely to be insufferable pr!cks, study finds.

An independent research group has carried out an Island-based study to find out if there’s any link between a boy’s name and their general level of tw@ttry.The team from Bangor University spoke to teachers, police officers, bouncers, and scorned women when collating their research, and said three names above all else shone out to them.They say Callums are more likely to strut about the Courthouse wearing stupid clothes with a misplaced arrogance, whilst Jacks and Conors will generally fight anyone after their third pint.All three are also likely to share relentless Facebook updates on their gym and protein eating regimes, the study discovered.Other interesting findings revealed 63% of Ian’s end up in accountancy and a high proportion of Julians were breastfed beyond the age of five. 

Man in hiding after refusing to give telephone number of Hermes driver.

A Port Erin man has gone into hiding after he was nearly ripped apart in the street by a baying mob of women in their twenties and thirties.Responding to a Facebook post, Matthew Sanderson claimed to know the number for a Hermes driver but wasn’t prepared to publish it without his friend’s say so.As Matthew told us,

‘the death threats started instantly; one girl said she was going to smash my face in with a Next catalogue, with another saying she’d ram her spanx down my throat if she didn’t get her H&M delivery by the weekend’.

In spite of the threats, Matthew continued to go about his day-to-day life with things coming to a head last Thursday when nearly 60 women, desperate for answers, confronted him.Sanderson still didn’t give up his friend’s identity, receiving over 15 broken bones and serious internal injuries in the process.He is now residing in a safe house in the North West of England where it’s expected he’ll remain for the rest of his life.

Farmer’s daughter accidentally sold at auction

An Andreas farmer was left red-faced this week after a mix up at a local Mhelliah led to the sale of his daughter.Farmer Ronnie Russell of upper Ballaknobbin was hosting the event when he invited his 17-year-old daughter Beryl to come and hold the next item for sale, his prize marrow.As a humorous aside Farmer Ronny quipped:

‘I’ll throw her in if bidding hits £20’.

In making the wisecrack he sealed the fate of hefty Beryl, as unbeknownst to him the laws governing agricultural auctions state that verbal contracts are binding.Beryl was subsequently sold to a brother and sister couple from Sulby who hastily threw a sack over the panicked teen and loaded her into the back of their Bedford Rascal.Russell said that once they presented a copy of the laws, he was powerless to act, branding it ‘just one of those things’.Beryl has already been put to work on her new farm, with her daily duties ranging from real life scare-crowing to milking the bulls.

Major celebrations planned to mark 20 years of McDonalds

Tynwald has given approval to a £5 million fund to allow for a major open-air concert marking twenty years of the Peel Road McDonalds restaurant.Prior to the arrival of the golden arches, the Isle of Man’s only fast food offering was Griddles – which was branded a ‘f*king disgrace’ by the late food critic A.A Gill.The concert will take place on the 17th December in the NSC athletic stadium, featuring performances from Davy Knowles, Samantha Barks, the boy who did ok on X-Factor and Davy Knowles.Organisers say they will be encouraging the public to get behind the twitter hashtag #thanksformakingtheisleofmanabitlessshitforyoungpeople in the lead up to the event. 

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