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Brace yourself fellow Manxies, there’s another hoolie on the horizon.Sure, it’s not likely to be as devastating as any of the “great storms” we’ve survived together in recent history, but it’s worth remembering your Beaver/Boy Scout/Brownie training and Be Prepared.We all know what’s coming.Expect the usual horizontal rain and “gusts” of wind up to 150MPH rendering normal umbrella usage pretty much impossible. Forget about trying to arrive at work in the same state of dress and composure as you left the house.It’s about survival folks, plain and simple. So we’ve got a few Do’s and Don’ts for you to make sure you make it through.

Do

  • Wear a coat, mate. No matter how hard you are. It’s going to be a bit nippy like

  • Bring a packed lunch. You know the boat won’t be sailing anytime soon so M&S will look like it’s been looted

  • Light the fire and get cosy. Assuming you have a fire to light, this isn’t an arson opportunity

  • Take on plenty of carbs to keep your energy levels up. Takeaway pizza is an ideal food source in these scenarios

  • Make sure the ale cupboard is stocked. Alcohol keeps you warm, or something. They did it in ‘Titanic’ and that turned out well

  • Check your Netflix account is active, or you at least still have access to your ex’s

  • Ensure all doggos, puppers, floofs, woofers and yappers are safe indoors. Also, cats.

  • Secure your garden trampoline. The half an hour your kids spent on it during the summer won’t be worth it when you’re paying for your neighbour’s new fence

Don’t

  • Leave your washing out. It’s windy yes, but it’s also going to absolutely sh*t it down

  • Take selfies on the Prom underneath the crashing waves. No one’s going to like your Instagram post if you’re swimming with the fishes and shopping trolleys

  • Try and “take off” using your turned-inside-out jacket. Yeah it’s a rush, but you’ll probably just p*ss off fellow pavement-goers

  • All leave work early at the same time “just in case”. Unless you really need to, just leave at the usual time. Your, and the commuting public’s, blood pressure will thank you

  • Say “bit windy today, eh?” to everyone you meet. It’s the arse-end of a hurricane. There’s stating the obvious and then there’s you

  • Leave the back gate open. That’s not a euphemism. Shut that gate or it’ll remind you every 10 seconds during the night

  • Panic buy all the bog roll in Tesco. Even if it was a proper storm, the last thing you’d need is chocha-mocha super-soft organic Andrex TP for your bum bum

  • Don’t moan if the Five-0 close a road. Chances are there’s either a river where the road used to be or the trees are literally trying to kill you

So there you go. Stay dry, stay safe, stay classy Isle of Man.