Funny story: I have a very specific fantasy of playing God, and determining who gets into heaven, and who will face eternal damnation. I’m not convinced I’ll ever get to live out my fantasy, so here’s my naughty and nice list instead.

Naughty list

Five welders from Donny

Yeah lads, we all love a meal deal, but putting the nation at risk? 

The Angry Yorkshireman

While I do admire someone who stands up for what he thinks is right, did you have to accuse us all of being inbred? Fake news mate, it’s only the people from Foxdale. There will be no tea or puddings in your sack.

The Angry YorkshiremanThe Angry Yorkshireman

The Angry Yorkshireman

Boris Johnson

Look at the state of the UK, mate. You deserve nothing. 

Dominic Cummings 

Between Barnard Castle and being a grade-A tw*t, Dominic will only be getting coal in his sack. 

Dale McLaughlan

Our lovesick jet-skier is absolutely on the naughty list- which is fine, because Father Christmas probably doesn’t visit Jurby anyway.

Dale McLaughlanDale McLaughlan

Dale McLaughlan

David Ashford’s Shredder

We’ll never know if that letter was written in Ashy’s handwriting.


Mate. Stop escaping. You’ve got it made and you don’t even need to pay rent. YOU’VE GOT IT MADE.

Isle of Man Constabulary Road Policing’s Elf on a Shelf 

IoM Police have been recording the actions of a certain elf who has been a very bad boy. The fella has been drink-driving, been interviewed and has been charged. There hasn’t been any update on whether the elf has had a cavity search, though.

Image credit: Isle of Man ConstabularyImage credit: Isle of Man Constabulary

Image credit: Isle of Man Constabulary

Carol Baskin 


Elon Musk

An actual real life bond villain. 

Nice List

Dylan Walton


Dylan Walton, image credit: Hospice FacebookDylan Walton, image credit: Hospice Facebook

Dylan Walton, image credit: Hospice Facebook

Christian Varley


David Attenborough 

The nation’s grandad who is just trying to save the world. Also potentially actually Father Christmas? It wouldn’t surprise us.

Key workers

You’re all doing amazing, sweeties x

Dan Richardson 

AKA Squirrel Dan. A sustainable icon. Here’s hoping you get your land for Christmas

Nigella Lawson

Brought us the new pronunciation of ‘meecrowahve’. Icon. 


Jacinda Arden

Did a bang up job of keeping Covid out of New Zealand. Fair play.  

Marcus Rashford

Who knew that a footballer would be the most effective opponent against child hunger?

Little Miss Dynamite

The real Queen tbh.

Little Miss Dynamite - Manx IconLittle Miss Dynamite - Manx Icon

Little Miss Dynamite – Manx Icon