Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
If you delude yourself that you enjoy your own company this week, you can deal with being alone a lot better.
Pisces (Feb 19- Mar 20)
What good has choosing the high road ever done for anybody? Choose violence this week.
Aries (Mar 21- Apr 19)
You could meet someone who could become a big part of your life this week, Aries. The main thing to remember is, however, that heartbreak is always around the corner.
Taurus (Apr 20- May 20)
It’s a good week for crying at your desk.
Gemini (May 21- Jun 21)
I can’t explain it, but the woman who knocked over all the cyclists at the Tour de France has big Gemini vibes. Don’t bring that energy anywhere this week.
Cancer (Jun 22 – Jul 22)
As we’re in the midst of Cancer season, remember the Cancer philosophy: it’s your party and you CAN cry if you want to.
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
If you’re a Leo woman, have a great day! If you’re a Leo man… like… whatever.
Virgo (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Need a holiday? Work from home for a similar vibe without using your holiday allowance.
Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22)
Libra is the sign of the scales. This week, you’ll probably need some moisturiser to deal with your scales.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22)
Never forget to live, laugh, love, you basic b*tch x
Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)
You’ll never be cool Sagittarius, so you may as well be comfortable. It’s a prime time to invest in crocs.
Capricorn (Dec 22- Jan 19)
This week you’ll be giving a tribute to Germany by failing to score.