AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18) 

A Swedish proverb claims “he who buys what he does not need, steals from himself”. I say “he who buys what he does not need, dresses incredibly well and has a fun life”. 

PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20) 

All I’m going to say about this week is: good luck. 

ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19) 

There’s a real heat in your love life this week. Perhaps it’s thrush?

TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20) 

If you enjoy rejection, this is a great week to apply for a job or confess your feelings to a crush. 

GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21) 

It’s time to kick a bad habit, like smoking or constantly staring at yourself in the mirror.

CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL  22) 

Cancers are known as the homebodies of the sign. This week, you should be anywhere but home: there’s more fun to be had outside. 

LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)

A truth will come out this week. A bad sign if you’re not a natural blonde. 

VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22) 

Work stressing you out? Don’t go. Stay in bed. Problem solved. 

LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22) 

If you’re trying to avoid seeing an ex, I’d advise that you don’t watch crimewatch.

SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22) 

Turn your phone off. Block everyone. Enjoy the peace. 

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21) 

Misery loves company, meaning you’ll be seeking out a lot of friends this week.

CAPRICORN  (DEC 22- JAN 19) 

If you ever feel like you’re not doing well at your job, just think: you could be in charge on the prom works.

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