AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
A Swedish proverb claims “he who buys what he does not need, steals from himself”. I say “he who buys what he does not need, dresses incredibly well and has a fun life”.
PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)
All I’m going to say about this week is: good luck.
ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)
There’s a real heat in your love life this week. Perhaps it’s thrush?
TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)
If you enjoy rejection, this is a great week to apply for a job or confess your feelings to a crush.
GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)
It’s time to kick a bad habit, like smoking or constantly staring at yourself in the mirror.
CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL 22)
Cancers are known as the homebodies of the sign. This week, you should be anywhere but home: there’s more fun to be had outside.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
A truth will come out this week. A bad sign if you’re not a natural blonde.
VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)
Work stressing you out? Don’t go. Stay in bed. Problem solved.
LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)
If you’re trying to avoid seeing an ex, I’d advise that you don’t watch crimewatch.
SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)
Turn your phone off. Block everyone. Enjoy the peace.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)
Misery loves company, meaning you’ll be seeking out a lot of friends this week.
CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 19)
If you ever feel like you’re not doing well at your job, just think: you could be in charge on the prom works.