AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
If the Crosby Co-Op opening is the most exciting thing that’s happened to you recently, you need to get a life.
PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)
Remember that the best things in life are worth waiting for. Except the promenade.
ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)
Shopping might not make you feel fulfilled, but it can temporarily keep sadness away.
TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)
Making friends as an adult is difficult. If you’re looking for new mates, try LinkedIn.
GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)
Want a new personality? Become a vegan. Everyone loves vegans and Geminis.
CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL 22)
You’re feeling like life is monotonous at the moment. It is.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
The big bad world is scary. Stay where you are.
VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)
Feeling flush in your birthday seasons? Now is a great time to donate to your local astrologer.
LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)
Some people argue that failure is, sometimes, a good thing. Keep that in mind this week, Libra.
SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)
Follow Kourtney Kardashian and Megan Fox’s footsteps, and start dating some emos. It’ll be good for you.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)
This is a good week to wear a mask. Not because you’ll be coming into contact with Covid, more to do with the fact your skin is looking… ropey.
CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 19)
You’re never too old for a belly button piercing. Don’t let anyone tell you it just for 15 year old girls in 2002.