AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
You will enter a very important and meaningful relationship with your fridge. FEEL NO SHAME ABOUT THE WINTER POUNDS.
PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)
GREAT WEEK TO NOT BE AN ABSOLUTE WET WIPE.
ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)
The meaning of life may be brought to the forefront of your mind this week. Don’t freak out: pints and chatting sh*t is an acceptable answer.
TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)
This week, you should take inspo from Angela Raynor and call a tory scum.
GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)
Maybe it’s time to let loose and drink like there is no tomorrow.
CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL 22)
You should buy a lottery ticket this week, if you want to be down £2.50.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
You could make a TikTok this week, but I think there are far more dignified ways to document a breakdown.
VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)
What is better: having a fat savings account or being the best dressed person on The Outback dance floor? Things to consider, Virgo.
LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)
Go against the grain this Libra season and act completely unbalanced. What’s the worst that can happen?
SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)
It’s a perfect time to reconnect with your inner child and just throw an absolute paddy.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)
Ever wanted to just tell someone to f*ck off? Why not treat yourself this week?
CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 19)
Self-care is vital. If that means throwing all your responsibilities out of the window and not turning up to work, then who am I to judge?
