AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18) 

You will enter a very important and meaningful relationship with your fridge. FEEL NO SHAME ABOUT THE WINTER POUNDS. 

PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20) 

GREAT WEEK TO NOT BE AN ABSOLUTE WET WIPE.

ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19) 

The meaning of life may be brought to the forefront of your mind this week. Don’t freak out: pints and chatting sh*t is an acceptable answer. 

TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20) 

This week, you should take inspo from Angela Raynor and call a tory scum. 

GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21) 

Maybe it’s time to let loose and drink like there is no tomorrow. 

CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL  22) 

You should buy a lottery ticket this week, if you want to be down £2.50.

LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)

You could make a TikTok this week, but I think there are far more dignified ways to document a breakdown. 

VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22) 

What is better: having a fat savings account or being the best dressed person on The Outback dance floor? Things to consider, Virgo.

LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22) 

Go against the grain this Libra season and act completely unbalanced. What’s the worst that can happen?

SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22) 

It’s a perfect time to reconnect with your inner child and just throw an absolute paddy. 

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21) 

Ever wanted to just tell someone to f*ck off? Why not treat yourself this week?

CAPRICORN  (DEC 22- JAN 19) 

Self-care is vital. If that means throwing all your responsibilities out of the window and not turning up to work, then who am I to judge?

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