AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
A Black Friday deal might not be all what it seems..
PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)
AVOID STEPPING IN FRONT OF CARS. This is just good advice more than anything.
ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)
Don’t be scared of rejection. Instead, get used to it.
TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)
Work to your strengths this week, even if your strengths are downing pints.
GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)
Relationships are about give and take. This week, try the giving part.
CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL 22)
This week, you have the choice between eating healthily, or actually having some joy in this miserable life. Choose wisely.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
It’s nice to be nice, but more fun to be a bitch. Choose which you prefer this week.
VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)
Struggling with your relationships? Working is a good alternative to valuable human connections, probably.
LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)
Everyone enjoys being flattered. This is a great week to kiss-ass and lick boots.
SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)
Exfoliate this week, or face having a spot the size of Snaefell. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)
Sometimes a break up is exactly what you need. Look at Adele? Thriving.
CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 19)
Feel like it’s time for things to go your way? Maybe wait until next week.
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