AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
Stop watching the news. Live in ignorance? What new variant? Bliss.
PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)
Feeling emotional this week? Of course you are. Classic pisces.
ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)
Something might tickle your tonsils this week. I’m thinking… covid test?
TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)
Stressed about new Covid regulations? If you literally never leave the house, you won’t notice any changes.
GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)
Grown a movember tash? This is a great week to work out whether you have a glorious Tom Selleck ‘tash, or something that makes you look like you’re hitting puberty. If it’s the former, keep it and also, hmu.
CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL 22)
This week will be steamier than my glasses when I wear a mask.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
A humble reminder that if you burn all your bridges now, you won’t have to buy anyone any Christmas presents.
VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)
Feel like you’re swimming against the tide? It could always be worse. You could be swimming against the tide in Peel, where there is literal shit in the water.
LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)
While the girls in Selling Sunset might be able to get around the office in 6 inch heels, it’s not practical for walking across Douglas’ potholes. Remember that before you head to Flannels.
SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)
Some things from 2020 should be left in 2020. Lockdowns, Tiger King, your ex. Let go.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)
A mask is what you need this week. Somewhat for Covid protection, a lot to hide the spot that will emerge.
CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 19)
Watch out for seagulls this week. They’re always watching. Especially if you have a cracking sandwich.