Mystic Chess Horoscopes 06/12

AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)

You may find yourself having trouble choosing between two paths this week. If they’re in Douglas, they both undoubtedly have dog sh*t on them.

PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)

Sometimes something that seems bad will actually turn out to be for the best. Or at least, that’s something you can say to yourself this week, Pisces.

ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)

Everything you do this week will be a bit like an NFT: slightly confusing, only interesting to nerds and finance guys, and ultimately, probably valueless.

TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)

Time to remember some old wisdom: sticks and stones may break your bones, but whips and chains excite you.

GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)

FYI: when someone tells you to bring the vibes, they mean positive vibes.

CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL 22)

Treat yourself this week with a little cry in the work loos. Go on, you deserve it.

LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)

The only person you should try and impress is yourself, as there is no way you’ll be impressing anyone else.

VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)

This week, your fun side will emerge. A rare sight for all.

LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)

You’ll be invited to a party this week. A pity party. With one guest.

SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)

Nothing is more satisfying than cancelling plans. Who needs to socialise when you can just stay in bed.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)

This week will be like a movie. I hope you like horrors.

CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 19)

WATCH OUT FOR CYCLISTS.

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