AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
Instead of Dry January, attempt Wet January. I’ll let you interpret what that is.
PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)
You could commit to Veganuary, or you could accept that January, in a pandemic, is depressing and allow yourself to have a bit of cheese. Your choice.
ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)
Do something everyday this week that scares you. Quit your job, move abroad in a pandemic. Scary.
TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)
You might have something to share with someone. The best way is to tell them is to get really, really, really drunk and message them.
GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)
Enjoying a new gym habit? Good, because it’s probably the last week of New Year, New You.
CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL 22)
An exciting opportunity to not leave the house will emerge this week. Luxuriate in what you like best: staying in bed.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
You’ve already failed this Dry January, haven’t you?
VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)
You’re known for your dedication and competence. This year, commit to a new year and new you by being late and grossly incompetent.
LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)
Anything embarrassing you did in the festive period has been erased in the New Year. Take solace in that lie, Libra.
SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)
Just remember there are 3 weeks until payday. You can make it through. I believe in you.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)
Disappointed with your Christmas presents? There’s always birthdays… nearly a year away…
CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 19)
Flattery goes a long way, especially if you’re wanting some decent presents… or a good horoscope reading.