AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)Ā
The world is your oyster this week: slimy, expensive and ultimately unpleasant.
PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)Ā
You may be looking for a sign to change your life. This week, accept life is monotonous.
ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)Ā
Trust your intuition, unless your intuition says that a fringe would be a good look for you.
TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)Ā
Whatever you do canāt be as embarrassing as your Facebook statuses in ā09.
GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)Ā
Some great gossip will come your way this week. Enjoy every second of bitching.
CANCER (JUN 22 – JULĀ 22)Ā
Itās time to plan for the future: look into preventative botox.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
Instead of creating good habits this January, create some awful ones. Increase your screen time, start smoking, drink more.
VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)Ā
This week, try and make friends. No, LinkedIn connections do not count.
LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)Ā
Veganuary is not a replacement for a personality, but if you didnāt have one in the first placeā¦
SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)Ā
You may be looking for a sign to change your life. This week, accept life is monotonous.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)Ā
Choose the path of least resistance this week. If this means quitting dry January, so be it.
CAPRICORNĀ (DEC 22- JAN 19)Ā
A bath will be good for you (relaxing) and everyone around you (you could do with a wash).