AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18)
Your stubbornness is your power. If you act stubborn enough, your owner won’t go to work and you’ll get to hang around them ALL DAY.
PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20)
As tempting as it may look, don’t eat chocolate. It can’t end well.
ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19)
You’re fiercely independent, but that does not mean you can just take yourself to the park. Unless you’re an outdoor cat. In which case, you can do anything.
TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20)
If you keep staring at your owner, they’ll be forced to share their food with you.
GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21)
This week, you’ll find yourself having no responsibilities. Like literally every other week. You’re someone’s pet, it’s quite literally the easiest existence in the world.
CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL 22)
You’ll find that you’re someone’s therapist at the moment. You won’t internalise it though because you can only understand about 10 words, and none of them are “I’ve been broken up with”.
LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)
Need attention? Pee somewhere you’re not supposed to. A classic.
VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22)
Dramatic acts will get you attention, but so will being really cute. Leave the drama this week.
LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22)
Everyone wants to be your friend this week. Because you’re cute.
SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22)
You don’t like being bored, but that is not an excuse to tear apart the mail.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21)
This week, you’ll realise you have few survival skills. That’s fine, as there will always be someone to feed you.
CAPRICORN (DEC 22- JAN 19)
Eating stones may seem fun, until you have to pass stones. Avoid.