Mystic Chess

Here is your weekly dose of Horoscopes curated by Chess AKA Mystic Chess.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) 

You’re inclined to make mistakes this week. This is a sign not to get back with your ex. Or do. I’m not your Mum.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20) 

It’s your birthday season! You’re probably not vibing with the fact you’re feeling anxious atm. Accept its not all about you babe- there’s a global pandemic x

Aries (Mar 21- Apr 19) 

Someone in your life is bringing you bad vibes this week. Let’s be honest, it’s probably a leo. 

Taurus (Apr 20- May 20) 

Feeling like staying at home this week? There might be good news on the cards for you…

Gemini (Jun 21- Jul 22) 

Your sign is the twins because you are a two-faced snake. You’ll probably be snakey this week too, but I didn’t need to tell you that…

Cancer (Jun 21- Jul  22) 

Whether it’s in the Outback or at home, you’ll probably be crying this weekend, won’t you hun?

Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22) 

You may feel yourself reflecting on your past mistakes this week. Don’t worry hun- this will pass and you’ll be doing dumb sh*t again soon enough.

Virgo (Aug 23- Sept 22) 

You see life as a journey that you need to plan out. This week, you need to let go and let life take you to where you’re truly meant to be: Jurby. 

Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22) 

This is a week of opportunities for you, Libra. Sure, you could be offered a new job, but more realistically, it’ll probably be an invite to the pub. Whatever it may be, you should never turn a good opportunity down. 

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22) 

You have a hard shell, but a soft interior. Kind of like a mini egg.  Which are currently in stock. Treat yourself, and grab some (this isn’t like, sponsored by mini eggs or anything, but I would GLADLY take the money)

Sagittarius (Nov 22- Dec 21) 

Avoid confrontation this week. If someone starts at you at 4am while you’re getting a kebab, leave it out, mate. It’s not worth it. 

Capricorn  (Dec 22- Jan 19)  Let your hair down Capricorn and embrace your inner drag queen! Do some death drops and stream ‘UK hun’! (Not sponsored by RuPaul, but I would also take his fracking money)