Top Scary Manx Things to Dress Up as for Hop-tu-Naa

Everyone thinks certain things are scary. ‘Oh no, it’s Leatherface! Chainsaws! Ahh!’ ‘Oh no, scary, ghost nuns! Help!’ ‘SELF-REFLECTION! AAAAH!’ But do you know what’s scarier than all of them? Unoriginality. And not in a fun, giggly ‘oo what a fright’ kind of scary way. In a ‘wow. The level of boredom I feel at your unoriginal Hop-tu-Naa costume is frightening’ kind of way.

Every year, the same old parade of costumes haunts our streets. The true horror isn’t the ghosts, it’s that nobody’s had an original idea since 1842. The same is applicable for Manxies.

Oh, I see you’ve gone for Jinny the Witch AGAIN. Grow up Sheila. You’re nearly 7. Stop being so predictable and start thinking outside the coffin. Ooh, you’re the Moddey Dhoo, like anyone’s not seen a black dog before. ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m a Fairy from the Fairy Bridge. Make sure you say hello to me because I’M DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION AND NEED EVERYONE TO LIKE ME’ blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH. Go to therapy.

Before anyone’s retinas dry up from seeing the same 3 Hop-tu-Naa costumes for the 189^th year running, I have devised a list of ORIGINAL costumes that are still very Manx and horrifying for you to choose from instead.

1: R-A-T

Lean into the superstition. Get yourself a couple fluffy small rugs, duct tape them together, then create a tail out of pink dressing gown ties and hey presto, you’re an r-a-t. When people ask you what you are, be bold. Tell them ‘I’m a RAT’ and watch like an evil overlord as they do that awkward ritual dance after hearing the word. People will avoid you like the plague because you bring it with you. Especially you Juan. You walking STD.

Items for R-A-T costume:

• 2 fluffy small rugs (Colour of your choosing but ideally brown, black, white, or champagne beige)
• 1 roll of duct tape
• 15 pink dressing gown ties. (For the long tail)
• From long tails to long nails (naturally grown to 23cm ideally)
• 6 pencils (3 for either cheek to act as whiskers – for face. Not to be confused with bum cheek)

2: Quarterbridge Roundabout at Rush Hour

This one needs to be done in a way accurate to size otherwise you’re just going to look stupid. Nothing brings out people’s inner mild annoyance more than the QB at home time. And that inner annoyance can very quickly turn into inner rage when you’re sat behind Derick who thinks a roundabout is a chocolate biscuit from the Wagon Wheel family and pulls out after looking left.

So, you’re going to need a lot of cardboard for this one. Or, if you’d like to go for the more realistic approach, roughly 89 vats of concrete. You, the superstar that you are, will sit at the centre of this carnage, which is what you will inevitably cause as you try to cram 109 life-sized model cars surrounding you from 10 varying directions into Quids.

Items for QB roundabout at Rush Hour costume:

• 1 Amazon warehouse amount of cardboard boxes OR 89 vats of wet concrete to style in your own vision (you can get the latter on sale at WH Smith)
• Various colours of paint for the variety of cars. (Don’t for get the number plates! Attention to detail is the difference between being a walking embarrassment and someone whose costume becomes a highlight in people’s lives forever.)

3: Seagull

The seagull. Far more petrifying than Peel’s Hound from Hell. Yes, the moddey dhoo skulks around and looks spooky at night but has it ever attacked your throat mid-chippy-bap-bite? No. And if it did try it, it’d just go right through you and disappear like flour through a sieve. A seagull, on the hand, is the devil incarnate. They’ll dive bomb a 4-year-old eating an ice cream then throw their heads back and laugh in that horrible, screeching foghorn way they do. And if they don’t come up with food, they’ll use their beaks to puncture your stomach lining, eat it straight from your guts, and defecate it on your face as they fly off.

To apply this in the real world, head down town at 3am. Whack someone’s kebab out of their hands, laugh at a bloodcurdling volume in their face, eat the kebab off the ground without chewing, then fly away. (Using a jet pack or anti gravity machine)

Items for Seagull costume:

• 987 white and grey feathers. Can be taken from feather-based pillows or roadkill
• PVA glue (for the feathers)
• 1 orange party hat as the beak
• 1 set of orange Marigolds for the feet
• 1 jet pack (Anti-gravity machine will also work. Both available at NASA for £18.99)

Those are the main Manx Hop-tu-Naa costumes I would recommend, however, if they don’t suit you (literally, you look ghastly in them) then I’ve popped a few extra horrifying things that are Manx below for you to sink your Malew vampire fangs into:

• The Departure Board at Ronaldsway Airport.
• Douglas Promenade when it was under reconstruction in 2022 (including Horse Tram) (Again, needs to be done to life scale otherwise will look stupid).
• The underside of a Parish Walker’s foot directly after completing the race.
• A Mannin Line caller.

Happy hop-tu-Naa.