Cucumbers, Bananas, and Zero Loo Roll: The Great Tesco Mystery

Tesco’s top 20 most-purchased products by Isle of Man residents have been revealed by Gef’s sister site, Isle of Man Today, and the results are, frankly, shocking.

The list, packed with fresh fruit, veg, and Manx milk, paints a picture of an island teeming with health-conscious shoppers. But let’s be real – is this really us?

Top of the list? Whole cucumbers and bananas – items that are apparently flying off shelves.

Are we suddenly banana smoothie enthusiasts and salad fiends? Or are these purchases being put to more creative uses? Let’s not pretend we don’t know what’s going on here.

The dominance of fresh produce – broccoli, carrots, spring onions, and even plum tomatoes – has us scratching our heads.

Is this the same island that’s made up of 85,000 supposed alcohol enthusiasts and the odd panic buyer?

If this list is anything to go by, we’re a nation of kale-loving superhumans. (Spoiler: we’re not.)

Speaking of surprises, where’s the toilet roll? After months of Steam Packet cancellations and storms, we’d have bet our last Clubcard voucher that loo roll would make the cut.

Either we’ve finally mastered the art of stockpiling, or someone’s quietly hoarding half of Tesco’s supply.

And what about alcohol? Not a single bottle of rosé or a pack of beers in sight. Who are we kidding?

The Manx love a drink, and we’re not about to believe everyone’s swapped pints for…peppers.

Let’s also talk about the lack of meat and cheese – two staples of any self-respecting Manx fridge.

How are we supposed to fuel up for all those coastal walks and big debates about the weather?

Tesco’s rise to Manx supermarket dominance, now with nine stores (and a tenth on the way), has made it our go-to for everything from avocados to, well, cucumbers.

But don’t let this list fool you – behind all those bananas and broccoli, is a crate of ale and a flavoured vape!