The Manx Should Save the Commonwealth Games

With reports today that no-one is willing to host the 2026 Commonwealth Games, we here at Gef have decided that one nation should stand up and say, ‘fine, we’ll do it’.

I can already feel that you are directly hostile to this, but hear me out, we have thought it through in our emergency organising committee meeting, held during a vape and tea break and we think it’s a winner.

First of all, we have experience hosting major events, be it the TT or the World Bonnag Championship, the Isle of Man has stood alone in organising these top tier events and only once have had a major merchandise contract go massively tits up.

Secondly, with the Manxman, Ben-my-Chree and the Manannan we almost certainly have the infrastructure to bring people to the Manx Games. Who knows, the teams may even like Heysham and the charm of being parked up in the shadow of a nuclear power station at 1am.

We have world class facilities, the slides at the NSC have been fully operational for at least a year now, the swimming pools are mostly fine and we think we know someone who can knock together a velodrome for a few hundred-million quid.

Plus, we can host the bowls at Onchan,

Of course, the Commonwealth Games aren’t just about the sporting facilities, we need accommodation, fortunately between the hotels, guest houses and camp site, we’re sorted.

The Games would also provide King Charlie with a reason to visit, which would be nice since he hasn’t bothered to so far.

Now we know what you’re thinking, ‘hasn’t bothered’, bit strong, there’s probably some very good reasons and we get that, the Steam Packet’s pricing strategy means it is very expensive to bring a carriage and two people, but we think we can probably afford it as a one off.

Every Games also needs two things, an opening ceremony and a closing ceremony, we have the fireworks taken care of, that’s not a concern. Plus, the Bowl can host the athletes walking in and waving their flags, but we will have to cut the numbers to four each and no big flags.

Now, we do need entertainment, obviously Little Miss D is the headliner to open the Games, but we do need an icon even bigger than her to close it and fortunately, someone at Isle of Man Post Office says they still have a phone number for Sir Barry’s gardener’s brother, so we’re pretty sure he’ll be happy to play his part in exchange for a return ticket on easyJet, hand baggage only mind, we’re trying to keep this multi-billion pound event to a budget.

Obviously Raymond the Raven can stand in as a mascot, he won’t like it, but when his island needs him, we’re sure he’ll step up.

We think we’ve covered everything, we have legendary athletes, from Cav to Tim Kneale and Alexandra Jackson to Mark Christian, the dish of the Games will be Chips, Cheese and Gravy, served at £15 a portion from officially appointed food partners no doubt, we have the facilities and we have the spirit of the Games 

All we need is the £3,146,901,160.23 needed to pay for it all, but we think with the DoI’s support this could come at a cool £5bn and they’ll even throw in a sea wall.