Gef’s Uni Series – We’re all on the same boat…
The results are in and, against all the odds, you’ve smashed it!
Uni life is merely weeks away. Now, a frantic month is ahead of you and with it, the needless cutlery purchasing and even more inessential stationery acquiring, not to mention the absolutely VITAL savouring of Mum’s final (for a while) Sunday Roasts.It’s all exciting and unknown but how are you going to get there? You could take the plane but, seriously, how are you going to fit 96kg of Pot Noodles in the overheadlockers? It’s not worth the hassle.
Grab your belongings, shove them into a SWAG bag like a cartoon bank robber from the 40’s and book yourself a seat with the Steam Packet Company.So why choose boat over plane? Gef has got the reasons for you whippersnappers…
No airport security
Breathe an almighty sigh of relief as you’ll have none of the faff of airport security to contend with. You can bring as much toothpaste as you want mate! Keep your shoes on? Not a problem. Heck, you can even leave that exceptional Gucci belt on, you suave style icon. Airports are hectic, headache-inducing hotbeds of hell.
The Steam Packet Company is super-chill. If Ma and Pa are driving, you don’t have to leave the comfort of those sumptuous interior leather seats. Instead you have an altogether more mellow experience until you board. Where you can enjoy…
The tranquillity of the sea
Even if it gets a bit choppy, there are places you can go. It’s a simple pleasure to perch yourself on one of the outdoor benches and watch the waves of blue and white crash and roll. You’re not penned in like on a plane where the only escape is the plane toilet: a tiny stinky box of pain.The boat affords you freedom to catch a flick in the cinema on Manannan, grab a jacket spud, have a shot on the fruit machines, go on; treat yourself and live a little for God’s sake!
No luggage fees
You won’t truly appreciate this until you get into your digs but sweet mother of HOARDING HORACE YOU HAVE A LOT OF STUFF! You’ll weep a thousand silent tears of despair as you empty your suitcase onto your sorry new abode. Why did you bring seven cake-tins? Was the Borat mankini really a deal-breaker?
Apparently so. Luckily, traveling by sea, there are no luggage fees to worry about. The Steam Packet Company have totally got your back on this one – plenty of room for the entire life you have brought with you. Your lava-lamps are safe here.Sailing ships have traversed oceans for centuries. They know what they’re about. Planes? They’ve only been around twenty minutes! AND they upset Mr T.
Sea-beers!
The purest and most welcome of all the ale options and the best way to prepare for three years of intoxicated nonsense. Meet a few strangers, share some shanty tales and swig your tankards as you approach the shore.
It’s just the done thing…
Going to uni by boat is a rite of passage. Prepare your new Manx mythical backstory for soon to be baffled uni friends. Wildly embellish the arduous nature of your Bilbo-esque trek. You came from a tiny Island, gleaming in the Irish sea like a jewel. A place host to fairies, folklore and superstition.
You conquered land, sea and potentially, dry heavers. You fought valiantly and bravely as you battled your way for a seat at the bar. And you looked on with teary nostalgia as the waves grew in stature and your home was lost to your eyes, smothered by Manannan’s all-consuming cloak. You captained your very own vessel there, the majestic fast craft, arrrr she was a fine…steed?! Probably best to brush up on your sailing knowledge tbh but you get the idea.
