An Open Letter to Kirstie Alsopp

Dear Kirstie, 

I’m coming to you as a fan. I’ve watched ‘Location, Location, Location’ for as long as I can remember. I know a decent semi when I see one. I love a bit of ‘Love it or List it’- you’ve taught me about how a clever rejigging and a small expansion can revolutionise your home. I also like a bit of ‘Kirstie’s Handmade Christmas’: a thrifty show about a thrifty Christmas.

Speaking of thrifty: you’ve had a wee bit of advice to people in their twenties like me, haven’t you? While buying a house right now feels like an absurd fantasy, you’re convinced that some penny pinching tips will help us get on the market. And look- I don’t disagree with a ‘save the pennies and the pounds watch themselves’ mentality: cut a few things here and there and you might find yourself with 100 quid extra at the end of the month- that’s a grand a year! Given the choice between a grand and a year without a takeaway coffee and Netflix, and you’ll probably find me whacking the kettle on myself and popping on All4 (oh Kirst, why would I pop on Bridgerton when the best on-screen chemistry is between you and Phil?).

Here’s the thing though: that extra grand isn’t getting me that much closer onto the property ladder. Even if I managed to save 10% for a one bed flat, there’s no way I’m getting a 200k property on my wage. If you’re as cynical as to believe that I should simply get a better paying job- surely anyone with a full time salary should have the ability to buy a home? Why should homeownership only be achievable for the middle and upper classes? Why should people who work in a supermarket be priced out of buying a house when only a few months ago we were acknowledging that they are, in fact, essential workers?

You might, then, admit that my extra grand isn’t sacrifice enough: stop renting and live with your parents. Kirstie, babes, I do. I live in my childhood bedroom, hoping that my Mum doesn’t get mad at me when I get home at 3am on a Saturday because after all, I am 23 and that is normal. Yet you imply this is some sort of free accommodation that will allow my salary to be squirrelled away, but if I don’t contribute, it’ll cost my parents money. To someone very rich- say, hypothetically, a baron- the extra lighting, heating, feeding and water might not affect them, but for others, housing another adult is a significant expense. As gas, oil, electricity and food prices rise, using a tumble dryer (instead of our humble, loyal rack) has become a luxury- but you’ll at least be pleased to know that our washer and dryer don’t reside in the kitchen.

Now, I am able to live with my Mum because she is kind enough to let me live there, and I work in the town I was born in. If I wanted to go off elsewhere to find my fortunes, I would inevitably have to go on the rental market. How familiar are you with the rental market? Let me tell you Kirsty, it’s hell out there. The basic necessity of housing has been monopolised by opportunists who want someone else to pay their mortgage- it’s pretty horrific, isn’t it? And even if you never rent, you’ll be affected by the rental market: landlords scoop up housing that’d be great for buyers. If they weren’t bad enough, there’s also the house flippers than you see on Homes Under the Hammer, who’ll take a house, pop the cheapest Ikea kitchen in it, paint it magnolia and attempt to sell it for 1.5x the price they bought it for. 

Kirst, it might seem that you and I are quite different- and yes, we were born with different spoons in ours mouths (yours silver, mine stainless steel from Next home), but we both love hitting up the bank of Mum and Dad. However, all banks aren’t equal: while you might be able to get big loans with low, low interest, some of our parents are more like WONGA- alright for when you need to borrow twenty quid when things are tight before payday, not great for a whole house. Even if you are lucky enough to have a baron as a Dad, there’s still an issue that people have to rely on generational wealth to get a house. Shouldn’t our parents get to enjoy their money, having supported us for at least 18 years,  while we should all have enough money to get a foot on the housing ladder?

I know this all sounds a bit depressing, the state of the housing market. And it is. And while young people consider whether they will live with their parents forever, there is a need for some light relief. Maybe that comes in a Starbucks after the commute. Maybe it comes from sweating it out in the gym. Or maybe it comes with a glass of wine, watching Netflix. Maybe it even comes from something as extravagant as a holiday. Whatever it may be, young people deserve some joy in this life- as well as safe, affordable housing.

So, Kirst, the issue isn’t because young people decide to spend frivolously to try and milk some joy out of this life. The issue is structural. While some individuals might be able to prosper, it is a system that once again benefits the rich and creates further divides in our society. The onus isn’t on a young person who can’t get Dad to buy them a house. The onus is on the whole system.

PS. You and Phil. You’ve never… you know… ever… had a thing? Not even once in a cupboard at the Channel 4 Christmas party? You really do have some electric chemistry.