Ask Auntie Gef
Ask Auntie Gef: My Boyfriend Said Another Girl’s Name
Auntie Gef returns to spill a whole load of tea
Dear Auntie Gef, my boyfriend said another girl’s name in his sleep. I haven’t brought it up with him but it’s really bothering me. What should I do?
Thanks, from the Anxious Partner of a Sleep Talker.
Dear Anxious Partner of a Sleep Talker,
We all have the ability to say anything in our sleep without realising. One time, my partner said he didn’t love me anymore in his sleep. He says he wasn’t asleep. He’s certain he was awake, at a wedding. Our wedding. At the altar. Then left. I haven’t seen him since. He’s such a joker.
But back to you and the Land of Nod. Dreams aren’t reality, they only become meaningful when we choose to give them meaning. However, I appreciate that it’s easier to apply that advice to our own dreams and less likely to satisfy the nagging question of just who THE F**K ‘Sarah’ is. (I’m just guessing the name) So, pull up a beanbag and let’s investigate.
First. Do you know someone called Sarah? If it’s the name of a relative then that’s fine, nothing to worry about. But Sarah is a pretty common name. So, it could also be anyone. He could also be shagging his cousin.
Second: How did he say the name? That can give us an indication on who this ‘Sarah’ is and how your boyfriend feels about having an affair with her behind your back.
- Was it mumbled in a non-descript tone? (Could just be a random name. Cheating bastard.)
- Was it whispered with breathless pleasure? (Clearly shagging. Probably his cousin. Cheating bastard.)
- Was it laughed in an ‘oh Sarah, what are you like?’ type way? (Clearly Sarah is THE FUNNIEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD, IS SHE?! The cheating bastard.)
- Was it shouted aggressively? ‘SARAH!’ (Shouldn’t be shouting aggressively at women. Shouty cheating bastard.)
- Or was it howled ‘SAAAARRRAAAAHHHHH’ in a way similar to Rocky yelling ‘ADRIANNN’ at the end of Titanic? (Clearly Sarah is providing inspiration for him to achieve his dreams within his dreams. Cheating bastard.)
Third: Have you seen Inception? Watch it. It’ll be a nice film distraction from the intrusive thoughts you’re having about the man you love being happily married with a gorgeous family, 2 golden retrievers, an exsextional sex life, and an air fryer behind your back. Also. While you watch, make note of the software they use and set that up so you can get into his dreams and catch him in the act.
If you find the technology too advanced/don’t have access to a 2-pronged plug or don’t understand the plot, I’d just ask him about it. It’s a film at the end of the day, it shouldn’t be THAT confusing. Then ask him about his dream. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Mention he was talking in his sleep last night and ask him what he was dreaming about. If he tells you ‘oh I had this weird dream about a guinea pig called Sarah’ then there’s nothing to worry about. Unless he’s shagging the guinea pig. That slut. If he says he can’t remember, then I think it’s rational to assume he’s lying and to straight up ask him ‘WHO THE HELL IS SARAH? AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SLEEPING WITH HER?’
If he still doesn’t admit his obvious infidelity, smother him with a pillow. Then there’ll be no more sleep talking other women’s names.
All the best!
Auntie Gef
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