How Many Places in Douglas Have Unisex Baby Changing Facilities?

I take comfort in the knowledge that if I go to a café or restaurant and am met with a sudden, grave concern that I’m about to soil myself, there are facilities I can use before ruining a fourth pair of cargo pants. Or, if I don’t make it in time, those facilities would be there for me to change into the spare pair of trousers I now always carry around with me.

I think about toilets a lot. Potentially more than the average person. Not that I’m special or anything, even if I did win the Ashley Hill Glockenspiel Competition in Year 3. It’s the accessibility of toilets in public that currently clouds my mind. It’s such a basic thing, hiding in plain sight, but if it wasn’t there, sh*t would hit the fan, and, most likely the streets. Having access to toilets is one of the most basic of human liberties, behind freedom from inhuman treatment, freedom of speech, and freedom to eat an entire rotisserie chicken in one sitting without cutlery or judgement. But it’s a human liberty not granted in all circumstances.

Babies are humans. Idiots, but humans nonetheless. But if they soil themselves in public, which seems to happen frequently – low levels of bladder or bowel control, embarrassing – their right to be changed into something less damply germ-ridden drops by 50% in a lot of public places.

Though there’s a welcome influx in the number of unisex baby changing facilities, in their absence you’re more likely to have access to a station allowing you to comfortably sort your cherub’s toiletry needs in a women’s bathrooms over men’s.

That means if you’re a dad with a baby and need to change your child’s nappy and there isn’t a unisex facility, you are screwed. You end up being that person with the baby that’s screaming bloody murder in public because they’re uncomfortable sitting in their own excrement, that people look at with a perfect mix of pity and ill-disguised resentment because you’re RUINING their £18 avo on toast. What can you do but leave, shrouded in shame, to try and find somewhere other than your car to sort out your child’s discomfort?

Last weekend, my boyfriend helped me undergo some investigative journalism – the first opportunity for me to don my Sherlock Deerstalker (I left the magnifying glass at home to avoid standing out like an idiot). We wandered through Douglas to see how many public places have baby changing facilities for both men and women, nipping into 17 places overall. Of those 17:

• Five places had baby changing facilities in the women’s bathroom but not the men’s.
• Eight had standalone unisex facilities, usually paired with the disabled toilet.
• Three places had no baby changing facilities at all.
• One place had a standalone baby changing facility in both the men’s and women’s bathrooms. The perfect balance, and that place was the Villa Marina. 50 points to the Villa Marina.
• We did try one last place but there was a chap in the men’s bathroom for so long we figured he’d died so left it.

I’m not here to name and shame any local businesses, it can be pricey and difficult to update your facilities. But I am going to list the places we visited that have unisex facilities in the hope that it can make the decision on where to go to grab food or a coffee in town with a baby a bit easier.

Unisex / Standalone Facilities:

• Tea Junction
• Noas
• Chester Street car park
• Frank Matcham’s
• HBN Library
• Tower House
• M&S
• The Villa Marina

A nice added bonus is that the picture on the door sign of these facilities is neutral, rather than the standard woman-in-a-dress bathroom sign.

If we don’t continue making baby changing facilities equally accessible to both men and women, not only are we re-enforcing the tired, outdated, stereotype that women are the main caregivers of children. It denies men – dads, uncles, brothers – the ability to look after their family at one of the most fundamental levels in a private and hygienic setting when out in public. No one should have to try and change their baby’s dirty nappy while balancing them on a toilet, in a sink, on the floor, or next to your plate of scrambled eggs due to a lack of access to proper facilities.

The places I’ve listed are a mere handful that we managed to get to in the time we had, so please do feel free to let us know about other unisex / equal baby changing facilities around the island. We would make a point of visiting more, but my partner has now built up a reputation of having severe gastric issues and needs to keep a low profile. At least it’s taken the spotlight off me soiling myself in Pat-a-Cake that one time.