Gef: Christmas at watt cost?

What is one of the main colours of Christmas?

Red!

Yes. Red, but I’m not talking about red. Try again.

Gold!

Yep. Verging into Gryffindor territory. And still not the one I’m after. Keep going.

Blue!

Oh F**K OFF. Blue? You’re taking the piss. NO. GREEN. GREEN IS ONE OF THE MAIN CHRISTMAS COLOURS. It would have been the main Christmas colour if Coca Cola hadn’t changed Santa’s suit from green to red for their evil, heart warming marketing campaign. Anyway, this is a convoluted way to talk about how you can be a bit greener this festive season.

Here are some simple steps you could try to do your bit for the environment. They’ll also help save you some cash at this expensive time of the year, and if that isn’t incentive enough, everyone knows people who do good things for the environment don’t get coal in their stocking. Because it’s bad for the environment.

PRESENTS

What did you get for Christmas last year? Unless the answer is Herpes, it’s likely a large chunk of you won’t remember. It’s lovely exchanging gifts but many of them go to waste. When am I actually going to use a miniature Chinese finger trap, Mum? Here are some ways to reduce your gift garbage:

Tell people what you want

Self explanatory really. Unwanted gifts don’t help anyone. And they also force people into feigning enthusiasm.

‘Oh wow. Another Boots shower gift set. Thank you.’

And if your acting skills aren’t up to scratch you could cause a whole family divide on Christmas Day and get a reputation of being an ungrateful little shit. Easier to just tell people what you want. I’ve told my parents I want private health care this year.

Stuff the second-hand stigma

The days of turning your nose up at second-hand gifts is over. Charity shops are the new Aladdin’s Cave. There’s hidden treasures to be found for cheap in every single one. You can get a legitimate miniature Chinese finger trap for just 20p. TWENTY PENCE.

CHRISTMAS PRESENT WRAPPING

Most wrapping paper isn’t recyclable. Especially not after your cat’s been at it. But there are cute ways you can go green with your wrapping.

Go Japanese

Wrap presents in fabric like our friends in the East. You can get lovely, cheap scarves from the charity shop. Or it can be an ideal way to get your recently ex-partner’s clothes out of the house instead of burning them. Which would be bad for the environment. Who isn’t he bad for.

Old News, New Gift

Use old newspaper to give you gift a vintage fish and chip shop vibe.

G (gift) String

Who doesn’t love a bit of Dickens at Christmas? Why not go Victorian and use brown paper and string instead of tape to wrap your presents. Unlike tape – the object equivalent of the band The Darkness – string is not a one-hit wonder and can be used time and time again. Especially to pull out rotten teeth after all the Quality Street.

CHRISTMAS CARDS

Ditch them. They’re a lovely thought but bad for the environment and no one keeps them. But if you do get some, you can always recycle them by cutting them up and using them as present tags.

ADVENT CALENDARS

Invest in or make a reusable advent calendar to avoid all that plastic packaging year after year. I don’t mean to brag but I’ve done this this year. Got one from TK Max for £12 that I’ll be able to use every year and I’ve made up my own daily treats for each day.

Example: 1 Dec – ‘Take the day off work.’

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS

Christmas crackers are a cute tradition but, like a poor sexual partner, they can be a bit of a let down. One quick bang and you’re done. All that’s left is a tiny toy (it isn’t usually that small, it’s just because it’s cold) that you try to play with but breaks soon after round 2.

You can swerve this disappointment by getting creative and making your own crackers. It can become a fun, family activity. You can put whatever you want inside, maybe try shoving in last year’s unwanted Boots shower gift set, and see who can write the most scathing personalised one-liner for the joke. If this appeals, here’s a cracking little tutorial to start you off: Cracker Making Vid.

If you’re not very crafty, you can buy reusable, refillable crackers on sites like Etsy.

CHRISTMAS TREE

Oh, Christmas tree. Green in appearance but how to make you green in nature. Not in nature nature. Because we literally take you out of nature to put you inside our homes. But in the metaphorical sense of nature… Here are some ways to get the most out of your Christmas tree this year.

• If you get a real one, don’t use it and abuse it by giving it a load of attention and then kicking it to the curb after the excitement fades like Jude Law in Alfie. Give it a new lease of life by planting it in the garden.
• If you’re not getting a real tree, have a think about dabbling in a re-usable, plastic-free tree. Find out some alternative options here.
• Or, if you have the time, this is another opportunity for some DIY fun. Make your own tree. Many people with a hipster affiliation collect driftwood and build their own tree. Hey, it’s 2023. Your tree can be however you want it to be. So long as presents can fit underneath it that’s all that matters.

FOOD SERVING

Avoid waste and a reputation for being tacky by swerving disposables. Invest in some fabric napkins and use real china. It’s Christmas for Jesus Christ’s sake. Get the Princess Di plates out.

LET THERE BE LED LIGHT

Christmas is lit. Not in the metaphorical slang sense. In an actual lighting sense. There’s so many lights. It’s blinding. People across the world will be getting headaches from the amount. To reduce the migraines and be more environmentally friendly whilst saving money, try using LED lights inside and out.

And, if you’re one of those people who goes the extra mile and sprays snowflakes in your windows to make yourself look better than the rest of the neighbourhood, the aerosols you’ve been using are actually really bad for the environment so get down off your high horse that you got for Christmas last year and try using chalk pens instead.

DECORATIONS

People may say tinsel is tacky but everything that goes around comes around and, last I checked, 80s and 90s in back in style. So shut up and mind your own business George.

• Get the boxes down from the loft and reuse the deccies you already have.
• If you fancy a change, there are loads of ways to upcycle your old decorations, repurpose waste, or use natural items to create your own Christmas ornaments, which you can brag about to anyone that will listen. Here are some cool examples:
• Upcycled Tomato Paste Tube Garland – sounds terrible, looks terribly great.
• Scandinavian Twig Stars – we all know Scandinavia do things better so why not follow in their footsteps.
•  Painting Baubles 
• If you’re hanging a wreath outside that has plastic in it, the materials could blow off into the environment, which isn’t great. Think of the hedgehogs. Instead, you could make your own natural wreath out of twigs and pinecones.

These things might take time but will be more environmentally friendly and should save you money. And the time it takes to do them can be the quality time away from work, and screens, tapping into the heart of what Christmas is really all about. Spending quality time with the ones you love.

*Information provided by NET ZERO Isle of Man.