‘I tried to find a free parking space in Douglas and it nearly broke me’

I go through phases with writing. Sometimes ideas come freely and easily, flowing effortlessly from my brain to my fingertips. Most of the time though, there’s a dearth in my head the size of the Grand Canyon and trying to pull an idea out of thin air is like pulling teeth out of my own face. There’s only one thing that breaks these mental droughts – when something irks me. And instead of writing to an organisation who can actually do something about the issue, I deal with the anger by writing an article instead. Because I get more attention that way. And that, dear reader, is what this is. The ‘something’ in question that preceded this written reckoning?

Parking in Douglas.

It’s 11:02am. I’m typing this in my phone as I speed walk to meet a friend. We were due to meet at 10:30am. I drove into town, getting in for 10:25am, hoping five minutes would give me enough time to find a free parking spot. It was a fool’s hope.

We were meeting at Noa opposite the Legion. It was a Wednesday morning, so I figured I’d gamble and see if there was a spot on the quayside. There wasn’t. I decided to try my luck again, looping round to see if something opened up. Looking in my rear-view mirror, I clocked a silver people carrier doing the same thing. A space had opened up. Only to be taken by the car in front of me who’d timed it better. A little frustrated – I called the elderly person parking a moron as I drove past – but still relatively unfazed, I moved on.

My next port of call: the Sea Terminal. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a space. Handbrake-turning to cut in front of a car approaching in the opposite direction, I made it to the spot first and reversed in. Only to realise it was a disabled bay. Doing the drive of shame, I came back out, avoiding eye contact with the person I’d just given whiplash.

Next up: the road by Douglas City Hall.

There was nothing free across from the Hall thanks to one driver who felt it necessary to give the car in front ample room but not enough for another car to fit in, thus taking up three spaces for its one stupid self. Exasperated, I drove on and felt a jolt of hope in my stomach as I saw a car pull away from a spot outside Plan.com.

The car in front of me pulled into it. Of course. Because this whole ordeal is a farce and the parking world hates me. But all was not lost. As I got closer, I realised there was enough room for two cars. The driver in front had started reversing, so I pulled up ahead and began to do the same. They stopped, clearly incapable of judging how close they were to the car behind. So I took matters into my own hands and decided to play chicken.

I kept reversing.

Hoping the driver behind wasn’t too oblivious to pick up the message I was sending – there’s enough room here for both of us, so move – I saw panic cross their face as they quickly started their car back up and edged back just far enough for me to fit perfectly into the last spot on the road.

Finally, I thought to myself, someone with some sense.

I put the handbrake on, set my disc and got out of the car, looking up at the sign beside me.

Thirty minutes.

Not an hour as I’d expected.

For the second time in 20 minutes, I got back in the car and did the drive of shame out of the parking spot, gifting it to the eager soul behind me.

I lapped the prom to no avail and looped back round past the bus station, noticing the silver people carrier still circling the quayside. I could feel myself getting more furious. Money is tight, so I refuse to pay for parking. I headed for the Outback (not the Aussie version, though arguably there’d be plenty more parking space there.)

I spotted what looked like a space between two cars outside the nightclub. The car in front was driving painstakingly slowly – probably on purpose – and I watched with pleading eyes as it went the way I was planning to go and mercifully passed the spot.

Thank you, Lord, I thought to myself as I followed it, readying myself to park in an area I know is a two-hour disc zone.

Only to find one of those STUPID TINY CARS hidden between the two vehicles where I thought there was a space.

Who even drives you? THE BORROWERS?!

Thankfully, Douglas City Council has listened to fellow frustrated citizens and is being proactive. It’s announced a trial scheme that will allow motorists to park in Shaws Brow car park at weekends for free from April 3 until after Christmas 2026. Though promising, this was not helpful in my current weekday predicament.

Losing the will to live, I circulated the roads around Vibe and Bar George to no avail, then resigned myself to parking at work – a 10-minute walk from Noa – something I had originally considered doing 25 minutes earlier.

Entering Noa one year and 40 minutes late, I saw a free space on the quayside.

It mocked me silently.

I scowled and looked around to see if the silver people carrier was still circling. It was. As they approached, I thought to myself, at least someone’s persistence will pay off.

Only to see them get undercut by a Ford Ka who got to the space first.

As I watched the silver people carrier give up and drive into the harbour, I thought to myself, well… at least they don’t have to pay.