Tom’s ‘Foolproof’ Guide to Mhelliah Madness: Five Tips to Survive and Thrive

Mhelliah season is upon us!

This centuries-old Manx tradition, originally held at the end of the summer harvest, is a chance for locals to come together, auction off all manner of goods, and celebrate with a good drink or two (or 10).

Records date back to 1811 when George Woods attended a mhelliah on the Calf of Man and saw labourers rewarded with ale, rum and a lively shindig.

Fast forward a few centuries and while some details have changed, the spirit of the mhelliah – community, generosity and celebration – is as strong as ever.

To make sure you get the most out of this year’s festivities, we asked Media Isle of Man, Marown and mhelliah fanatic Tom Curphey to provide a foolproof guide to nailing the perfect mhelliah, something he’s yet to achieve.

1. Preparation is key

Let’s face it – mhelliahs are like a mix of Antiques Roadshow and a Manx episode of Bargain Hunt, but with more potatoes, homemade preserves and the odd wheelbarrow of booze.

So unless you want to be the person bidding just five pound on a box of delicious Manx carrots, start saving up long before the mhelliah rolls around.

You’ll need a decent war chest to fund your enthusiastic bidding on mystery homemade bonnags, or in my case, Christmas jumpers with Marown manager Dave Brew’s face on.

Don’t make my mistake and ask the Treasurer to pay at a later date and wake up with a sore head and a looming debt with not a lot to show for it.

Trust me, you don’t want to be outbid by Juan from next door. Again.

2. Bring TOO much cash

I know it sounds like I’m contradicting myself, but hear me out.

One minute you’re bidding a tenner for a jar or chutney, and the next you’re in a heated war over a mouse mat that for some reason you just HAVE to own.

Always bring extra cash because you never know when the quirky treasures might catch your eye.

Last year my mate Ricky bought a football corner flag that he swears was a great deal for around £100 (more on Ricky later).

3. Don’t get TOO drunk

I’ve made this mistake more times than I care to admit.

A couple of pints turns into a couple more, and before you know it you’ve got a scarf you don’t remember buying and a £200 shaped hole in your wallet.

Was the scarf worth it? (I mean it was maroon and gold coloured, so maybe?).

But staying somewhat sober has its perks (I’ve heard) – you’ll actually be able to score some bargains on some vegetables, potatoes, and more importantly you’ll remember where you parked the car the following day.

4. Get friendly with the auctioneer

Now, getting on the good side of the auctioneer is key.

At Marown’s mhelliah we’re lucky enough to have Boosh Kerruish as our auctioneer, and he’s a top bloke and a master of the mhelliah.

But don’t think he won’t stitch you up by pretending he saw your arm go up despite you sitting very still.

Maybe I’ve been on the receiving end of this because I don’t shut up, but I’d recommend staying sharp, keeping your cool and mastering the art of small talk.

A bit of friendly banter goes a long way in avoiding an accidental splurge on a wheelbarrow of turnips, or finding your own coat is up for sale and you’re bidding against Mr Moneybags in the corner to retrieve it.

5. Find a safe spot for your haul

Once you start winning those bids, you’ll need a place to stash all your treasures.

Scope out a designated ‘bargain corner’ before the fun begins, or have a friend leave his car unlocked so you can retrieve them at a later date.

Having a safe space to dump your goodies will keep you organised and stress free.

I won a wheelbarrow of booze in the mhelliah last year.

As you can imagine, not a lot of it was there in the morning. I blame Ricky.

So there you have it, folks!

Follow these tips, and you’ll definitely* be the king or queen of your local mhelliah. (*No guarantee).

Remember, it’s all about community spirit, a bit of banter, and maybe ending the night with something you definitely didn’t plan on buying but couldn’t resist.

You could end up as happy as me in the image below…