The Last Ever Mystic Chess Horoscopes

AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18) 

You can act as stubborn as you like, but you’ll miss Mystic Chess won’t you? xx

PISCES (FEB 19- MAR 20) 

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because you got passive aggressive insults hidden as horoscopes for a year x

ARIES (MAR 21- APR 19) 

If you’re as independent as you think you are, quit your job and move across the world. It’s actually surprisingly easy to do and absolutely won’t fill you with anxiety x

TAURUS (APR 20- MAY 20) 

Who is more of an expert about bullshit than the bull themselves? The horoscopes were always bullshit, but I hope you enjoyed them anyway. 

GEMINI (MAY 21- JUN 21) 

Admit that at least one of your personalities will be sad to see the weekly horoscopes go. 

CANCER (JUN 22 – JUL  22) 

You will lose a major part of your life this week. It’s Mystic Chess. Did I mention I’m leaving? xoxo

LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22)

Truthfully, I actually just don’t particularly care for Leos. What hurts more: my apathy or my disdain?

VIRGO (AUG 23- SEPT 22) 

Your life is so organised and put together that you never really needed my horoscopes. Thrive without me Virgo x

LIBRA (SEPT 23- OCT 22) 

Something you believed in will turn out to have never been true, and it’ll shake the foundations of everything you have ever known. It’s my horoscopes btw. They were always bullshit x

SCORPIO (OCT 23-NOV 22) 

Remember when I suggested that skating was not a hobby for an adult? Still true. 

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 – DEC 21) 

A year of writing horoscopes and I still can’t tell you a single interesting thing about Sagittariuses. Keep living life in the slow lane x

CAPRICORN  (DEC 22- JAN 19) 

Some happy news for you, Capricorn.  Life will remain monotonous and uneventful, just the way you like it. Well, if you ignore the multiple ongoing global crises.